I’ve got a list of shit I desperately want to tell you about, notes stuck everywhere about posts that need to be written, but the dust will have to gather on those for a couple more days while I rant about a “little guy” getting shafted by big industry.

beerImagine for a minute that you’re the owner of a big-ass successful company that makes sugary, high-caffeine energy drinks. I won’t say which company, but let’s just say it rhymes with Monster. You trademark your name like any smart mogul would, become a sponsor for anything that reeks of testosterone, and run out to conquer the world like a mad Viking strung out on guarana. You become a NASDAQ-listed company and pen distribution deals with the likes of Anheuser-Busch, PepsiCo Canada and Schweppes, which you know will swaddle you in bling-bling for decades to come.

Then along comes a 7-employee microbrewery in Vermont called Rock Art that decides to name their 10th anniversary beer “Vermonster” and just like that, BAM, your whole vision of total-beverage-industry domination is fucked up. So you get your 3-piece-suit lawyers to draw up a Cease and Desist, telling the little guy to stop selling Vermonster beer, discontinue his advertising of it, nix all marketing materials and promotions associated with the product, yadda yadda yadda, ad nauseum. Why? Because it will “undoubtedly create a likelihood of confusion” in the marketplace. And despite the fact that your approximate worth is one billion dollars, you demand that the little guy cover your attorneys’ fees.

If the little guy wins (which he most certainly will according to several trademark lawyers), you can just appeal. When he wins the second time, appeal again. Keep appealing, tie up the court system, burn money like it’s kindling and pummel him into submission for having the gall to call a completely unrelated product a completely different name. So what that Ben & Jerry’s makes a Vermonster sundae? So what that the beer is barely available outside of Vermont? So what that they have no plans to make energy drinks and step foot on your playground? Beat them down like the un-housebroken pups that they are and show them who the man is, for you are undoubtedly the man. Corporate America 1 – Independent Little Guy 0.

OK, wake up from the revelry, folks. You have no bling and are most definitely not a mogul, but you have a voice. People everywhere are boycotting Monster because of this bullshit lawsuit, but I beg you to do something more—make yourself heard. Reach out to Hansen Beverages (makers of Monster), Tweet ‘em up @MonsterEnergy and for the love of all that’s holy, RANT!

UPDATE: Follow this link to a petition. Every little bit helps: http://tinyurl.com/yzt7ryl